Eat it, Azerbaijan

Kudonts to internationally televised news. With the advancement of modern technology, it is now possible to tune-in to news programs broadcast directly from countries all over the world. I had hoped that this would enable me to see foreigners singing America’s praises directly without having to see it through a secondary, fair-and-balanced news network like Fox News, but unfortunately it is not that easy. Much to my chagrin international news is bleedy boring. There is no talk of celebrity gossip, current box office hits, and not even one mention of Anna Nicole Smith! I mean how does someone in, say, Azerbaijan get along with his daily viticulture without knowing the latest on who’s that baby’s daddy? Must be tough. Basically international news is consumed by their liberal attempts to portray the world as not-at-peace. But clearly I can look out the window and see that there is no fighting going on, so why the discrepancy? There was that little skirmish in Iraq, which could have been bad, but fortunately we cleaned that mess up back in 2003 (see: Bush, “Mission Accomplished”). Basically I think international news should learn from American news and start reporting on the things that really matter. If they keep broadcasting sad stories full of death and reality no one is going to want to watch. Not to mention rumors will spread that the world is not a happy, prosperous place. If you don’t believe me go ahead and look out your window. Looks pretty happy and prosperous, wouldn’t you say? Myth busted. To be sure, let’s get feedback from all over the country to make sure we have a representative sample. Let me know how the view from your window looks and from where you’re viewing. Together, we will show the world how happy it is.