De facto political monopoly: do not pass go, do not collect electoral votes
Kudos to political parties. With the 2008 presidential election just around the corner (the next 17 months are going to fly by) political ideology will be at the forefront of voters’ minds. Fortunately America has an established two-party political system to make voting simple. Rather than get bogged down in facts and issues voters merely have to be able to tell the difference between the letters “D” and “R” appearing next to candidates’ names on the ballot. Novice voters might ask how they know whether they are an “R” or “D”. Basically you have to ask yourself one question: Am I Religious? If they answer is yes then you are an “R”; if you Don’t know or Don’t think it matters then you are a “D”. Politics is all about providing a simple either/or situation. Either you are a religious republican or democracy-loving democrat. If we did not have the saving grace of the two-party system, voting would be too complicated and no one would want to be involved (as opposed to the masses currently involved). Every once in a while a long shot independent candidate emerges who thinks that “either/or” cannot suffice in politics. Somewhere these wackos got the crazy idea that one can be pro-choice and conservative at the same time (not to be confused with Rudy Giuliani) or any number of other paradoxes. I am pretty sure there is even a constitutional amendment that mandates the alignment of government officials’ political ideals with one party, but who ever reads that old thing anyway? (Eat it Madison!) Luckily these two-party dissidents do not stick around long enabling us to preserve our precious party system and allowing voters to remain pleasantly oblivious to the complexities of the issues and stances held by their leaders, which really do not have anything to do with them. Don’t forget: this is an elephant and donkey party only, no (insert 3rd party animal here) allowed. If anyone knew the animals of those other parties they wouldn’t be going out of business now would they?
