Salvation and polygamy for all

(The Signal 3.8)

Kudonts to the pseudo-Christian Great Commission. Recently, outsiders who call themselves Mormons infiltrated OBU apartment complexes in an effort to teach students about their beliefs. Luckily I wasn’t around the first time they came by, so I didn’t have to worry about catching whatever it is they are spreading around—latter-day-pox or something. But just when I thought it was safe to leave quarantine, I was warned that they had been spotted on the premises again. I rushed back to my apartment to grab my handy Mormon-repellant only to find that I had run out after my recent trip to Utah and only had insect and Democrat-repellants left. What is the world coming to when we cannot even feel safe in our own bubble? Maybe we need to go old-school and put up signs that say, “Christian Clubhouse: No Pagans Allowed.” Fortunately that is how most of the apartment-heroes responded and treated them no better than your everyday encyclopedia salesman with a silent judgment and a kind door-in-the-face. But seriously, why would Christians want to actually talk about religion with non-believers when they can keep their faith tucked away safely for themselves? Isn’t that what this whole religion thing is all about? Supposedly stains on your faith are just a wretch to clean and almost never come out in the wash, so it is probably best kept unshared anyway. Hopefully, after the near-death/conversion experience our unfortunate students had, they will be better prepared for the next time a lost soul approaches them wanting to talk religion and can perfect their witness-evasion tactics. After all, we wouldn’t want any conversions or evangelizing going on around here, right?


Supplemental Material
If this sounds like I am bashing Mormons, go back and read it again.

Christians have been given a charge to spread the Gospel. This is not limited to travelling half way around the world to witness to obscure African tribes who speak in clicks and grunts. It is easy to make fun of other religions and write them off because their ideas seem a little far-fetched to us (as if virgin births and rising from the dead are commonplace), but we could definitely learn something from their devotion to sharing their beliefs. Christians are told to seek out non-believers, but when they come knocking on our doors wanting to talk about religion, we turn them away or say we aren't interested or make fun of the "crazies on bikes." We shouldn't have to wait for that knock on the door, but if we get it, the hardest part of witnessing is already done and should not be so quickly dismissed. What a wasted opportunity.